


This Is Why I Drink

by LeviathanDemon



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Morally Ambiguous Character, Remus mention, Thomas Sanders' Friends mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-08
Updated: 2019-07-08
Packaged: 2020-06-23 11:16:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19700254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeviathanDemon/pseuds/LeviathanDemon
Summary: It's fluffy and funny until it's not.Or: Roman receives love and the whole crew receives a situation they aren't sure how to deal with. Those invisible walls don't help either.(Follows SvS and DWIT)





	This Is Why I Drink

**Author's Note:**

> Got inspired by the various wine mom Deceit headcanons floating around on tumblr and a brief chat with @honeygemtrashbag (who helped me beta this as well!). As a fair warning, the first half probably doesn't have much triggering material - it's the second half where excessive alcohol consumption and brief suicide discussion comes into play. Also Deceit. If any of those are triggering, I strongly advise finding a different, equally fluffy/angst/what-have-you fic.

It's been a couple of weeks.

Things have stabilized (Thomas can't say yet they've improved, not with Remus still hanging around and Virgil walking on eggshells). While Patton is still working on relaxing his heart-strangling grip on the need to be selfless, Thomas can tell he's trying, and the attempt alone feels like it's taken a weight off his shoulders. He didn't know it had been there, but having it gone somehow makes everything easier. He's able to brainstorm with Roman and Logan for some videos, he hangs out with Joan and Talyn when he wants and politely turns them down when he doesn't, he at least leaves Virgil a note saying that his past doesn't define him and regardless of his origin he's grateful to have met and come to terms with his Anxiety.

The Tuesday before the wedding, he calls the four sides together. 

"So," he says, holding his hands together as he looks around the room. "I've been thinking about what Talyn and Joan said yesterday." It almost hurts to see the way Roman's expression lights up, and he realizes why: when was the last time Roman was so genuinely cheerful? He thinks maybe it was last February, before they all realized they'd been tricked. He had never gone back to act with Roman like they discussed. Right, focus.

"I'm going to call Mary Lee and Lee tomorrow and tell them about the callback, see how they feel. If they're alright, I'll then tell them my idea: I'll miss the wedding-" He can feel the way both Patton and Virgil tense, but he pushes onwards "-but will be at the reception to give them their gift and best wishes." It's an attempt at compromise - the callback's in the morning, the wedding starts around noon. The reception, however, will start at 1:30, and Thomas will be long finished the callback by then. Of course, he'll still talk with Mary Lee and Lee first and respect their wishes, but it's worth a shot. "Patton? Think you can be available tomorrow to help?"

"Of course!" Despite his obvious tension, Patton grins. He's not alone - Roman is grinning as well, looking ready to cry and for the first time in a while, Thomas feels his heart swell with delight. It's actually a bit overwhelming, how quickly it happens. 

"Whoa." He can't help but reach up to his chest to take a moment to steady himself. Virgil's tension grows greater and for a moment, everyone else looks confused. "...you alright, Roman?"

"I-" Roman swallows, and Thomas can hear how his voice is thick with unshed tears. "It's all I've wanted." Something about that bothers Thomas.

"Roman... Thomas said he'll _talk_ with them tomorrow." Logan speaks slowly. "And that if they're alright - if - then he'll share his idea." There's a moment of hesitation. "And there's still no guarantee we'll receive the role."

"I know, I know-" Thomas wishes he could take Roman's hands because now he is crying. "But we have a chance now at least." Ah. There it was. The thing bothering Thomas. He takes a second to compose his thoughts while Patton tries offering verbal comfort, since he also can't offer the hug Thomas wants to give so badly.

"... what you said in the courtroom - has it really been that bad?" Even the slightest possibility of success could affect Roman so much? Thomas had to admit, Roman was usually unrelenting in the pursuit of dreams - steps were acknowledged, and then he planned further. Nothing but total success or total failure truly moved him. But if everything had been going as poorly as Roman suggested-

If there was _always_ something more important than his hopes and dreams-

Roman hesitates, that swell shrinking, and that is enough.

"Alright then!" Thomas claps his hands together to get everyone's attention. "So, new topic, I think we need to talk about how we're going to balance everything going forward." He glances at Logan, Virgil, and Patton. "I'm not going to drop everything _just_ on chances. My friends and family are important, and I need to be healthy and stable to pursue my dreams." Now he glances at Roman, who's trying to recompose himself. "... but I don't think those dreams should always be my lowest priority either."

There's some awkward shuffling, instead of a chorus of responses that Thomas had hoped for. Logan hugs his arms a bit closer. Virgil flicks at the pull tab on his sleeve. Patton tugs on his cat hoodie. The swelling in his heart shrinks a bit more.

"Guys..."

"Sorry!" Patton clasps his hands together as if making a plea. "It's just - it's a lot of big changes right now, kiddo. I don't want Roman to be ignored, but you know you care about everyone so much! It's why they..." He looks down. "...get pushed aside. Because you want to make sure everyone else is happy." Thomas winces. It's an answer he expected, just not one he really wants right now.

"I need something a little more solid to go on than 'balance everything'." Virgil is next. "You can get a bit carried away, Roman, and, really, some of those plans you already have-" He lets out a huff. "Don't exactly feel great about them." Thomas smiles when Roman manages to make his "offended Princey noises", as the fandom dubbed them. "I don't do well in crowds and around strangers. Becoming famous kinda rubs me the wrong way."

"We can act like we're fine. All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players." Roman no longer sounds like he wants to cry, at least. "You were pretty gloomy too about Vine, remember?" He laughs, but cuts himself off when Virgil reaches for his hood. "B-but that's in the past! We've been coping pretty well so far, I think, and I'm sure you'll be fine in the future too!" Yeah, Virgil still isn't feeling well. Thomas considers keeping him after the discussion was done and trying to talk about his past in person. Maybe that'd work better. Roman's words though, 'act like we're fine'... Well. He did have to admit the whole issue had come up because of him, and, while he had been giddy when Thomas admitted his lie, he had gotten inexplicably angry when Roman handed down the sentence. Maybe... maybe he might have some ideas. If nothing else, his perspective will probably start some kind of fight that might lead to a reasonable compromise?

He glances at Logan. Of course, he's at least giving everyone a chance to speak.

"Anything?"

"I can't say anything comes to mind, not since the last time the topic came up." Logan frowns. "I recognize that you have deemed this important-"

"It's just a lot, yeah." Thomas nods. "Right." He inhales, knowing what will come next. ".... I think another perspective might help-"

"No." Virgil glares up at Thomas. "You cannot - you can't be suggesting what I think you are."

"I mean, you guys are stuck. Can it really hurt-"

" **Yes it can!** " Virgil's voice layers in that loud, intimidating way that Thomas has nicknamed the 'tempest tongue'. Yeah, they really ought to talk later. He can't really understand the degree of vehemence and contempt Virgil seems to hold for the Dark - the Other sides.

"Just because he's here doesn't mean I'll listen to him. He's tried making me lie twice now, and have I done it?" He is very careful to make sure his words are as genuine as he feels. Virgil takes a moment before shaking his head. "Just, you guys admitted it: you're stuck. I don't think I can solve this alone - I don't want to solve this alone, and neither does Roman." He looks to Roman for confirmation, who smiles. The swell returns a bit, and the delight makes him giddy. "Maybe he'll have something, or he might just say stuff that leads us to a good idea. And if he tries anything, I'm pretty sure I can make him leave." He had wished as much in the courtroom - but, really, even Deceit pointed out it was all in his head. He could've technically left whenever he wanted. The other time, Deceit had left, grudgingly, when Thomas yelled. So, yeah. He feels confident he can manage this. "Can we just... try?"

While Logan seems indifferent and Roman nods, Patton is obviously not sure. Thomas can't blame him. His sense of morality has had the carpet pulled out from under him the last few times they've talked, and Deceit almost seems to enjoy harassing Patton the most.

"Patton, Virgil... I will not let anything bad happen. Not to you, not to our friends, not to anyone. I promise."

"And if Thomas can't, I will!" Roman adds, drawing his sword. Thomas can read the desire on Roman's face - don't let this conversation go, just acknowledge some changes need to be made.

Thomas' sincerity finally seems to let Patton relax, and Thomas catches a ghost of a smile on Virgil's lips when Roman speaks. Logan nods.

"Do you wish to try, or shall I?"

"Er, let me." Roman giggles. "He likes me best." Thomas doubts that's true, but then again, Roman does seem to get a starring role when Deceit is around. Maybe it's true in the same way that cardboard is edible compared to antifreeze - true in a sense, but doesn't mean much, not when the other options are 'worse'. Roman turns to Patton. "Padre, if you'll step aside?" Patton listens and Roman raises his arm. "Deceit!" There's nothing at first, but, when Roman tries again, Thomas can feel the way Deceit materializes - the odd music echoing in his ears, the way the light seems to focus on him while his own vision temporarily blurs, and - wait, he doesn't have his hands together. In fact, immediately, before his vision fully returns, he can see Deceit's blurry form raise a hand and make a fist. Thomas' internal panic lasts for a painful second - what was his problem? Starting by silencing everyone else already? Seriously? - but then he realizes the music has abruptly ceased. His vision fully returns to see Deceit lower his fist and glance around.

Thomas can't help but be on guard, and not just due to the way Virgil looks ready to leap off the stairs at a moment's notice. No, just... Ok, he's only really met Deceit three times. Three times isn't really enough to get to know someone well, especially when they're being antagonistic, but each time Deceit seems to value a dramatic introduction. Where's the evil chuckle? The sinister smirk? And what is that in his other hand?

So Thomas watches as Deceit's gaze instead sweeps the room, starting with Patton and ending on Roman. Roman sheepishly sheathes his sword and waves. He's about to speak, but Deceit nods and then pushes past Patton. Patton grumbles a little, clearly more confused than mad, and they all watch as Deceit sinks onto the living room couch. He lifts his other hand - oh, that's a bottle, Thomas belatedly realizes - unscrews the cap, and starts drinking.

He gets two gulps down when Thomas decides to be the first to speak up and ask the relevant question.

"Uh, hi Deceit. We were wondering-" Deceit lowers the bottle and shoots him a look. Thomas immediately amends his statement. "I was wondering if you could help us with something." Deceit doesn't answer, raising the bottle and taking another gulp. Thomas sees Patton frown from the corner of his eye.

"So, uh, buddy," Patton begins, putting on his best Concerned Dad voice, "whatcha got there? Is it pop?" He grins at the pun. Deceit lowers the bottle and doesn't bother making eye contact.

"Tequila."

Deceit takes another swig as if he isn't now at the center of several alarmed expressions. Thomas can't confirm what the others are thinking, but him? He's not exactly a huge fan of alcohol to begin with. Tequila is... pretty harsh. And here's Deceit, a part of him, using it like it's water on a hot day. He instinctively steps forward before hitting that invisible wall that keeps him separated from the sides. And where was he going to go from there even if it wasn't there? Well, maybe snatch away the bottle, but he doesn't quite get what Deceit's doing. He manages a glance back towards Virgil - the alarm on his face is expected, but there's something else. Fear? Sadness? He unfortunately can't spare the time to puzzle over it. Instead, he looks towards Logan, who glances back, and gestures at Deceit. Logan clears his throat.

"Given the hour of the day, the strength of the alcohol being consumed, and-" Deceit finally makes eye contact, a very cold glare as he pointedly drinks more. "-and the rate of ingestion, I think we would all like to know why you are performing this course of action."

"Well, as I am clearly wanted here," Deceit says, gesturing to them all, "I thought I may as get ready for what will surely be a wonderful time. Why wouldn't I?" The sarcasm is positively acrid, burning as bad as the tequila has to.

"I mean, that seems a bit much so fast." Patton's cheer is evaporating. Deceit grunts in return.

"I - that hardly makes sense. You realize even mild alcohol consumption impairs cognitive function and motor skills." Logan can't help but gesture in confusion. "The amount you've consumed - you're _still_ consuming - will have more serious consequences."

"You don't say."

"I do say. You risk passing out or, with an even greater volume, becoming comatose." Thomas can see Logan growing frustrated with the blatant rejection of logic, and the sheer oddity of the situation.

"Hm. I'm sure what I have to say will be understood equally well." With that, Deceit tips his head and the bottle back. The tequila bottle is draining at a worrying rate. Thomas swallows the lump in his own throat.

"Hah... yeah..." The words are as uncomfortable as he is. "I can be a bit slow, huh?" It's deliberate bait, but Patton makes an affronted gasp anyhow.

Deceit pulls the bottle away and coughs harshly. Thomas is considering talking to Deceit after Virgil once all is said and done, and this … situation (Is he messing with them again?) is resolved.

"Just get back to your... whatever."

And another gulp. Deceit's looking woozy now. Thomas can't help but try again. The alternative, after all, is that Deceit's actions are honest and he doesn't even know where to begin with that. 

"I decided I should at least try to attend the callback, you know. I talked it over with my friends, and tomorrow I'll be calling the happy couple. So, I guess you really did win." He shrugs. "I... really wanted the callback." He expects something sarcastic, maybe a laugh at his expense, or a "I told you so" remark.

The silence that lingers in the wake of his words is cold, and he shivers. He should pull the others closer together - can a side get drunk in the first place? What happens if he drinks too much? Can he do that? Has he done this before? - and yet he's afraid to turn away. It's like he's a Weeping Angel: as long as Thomas keeps him in his sight, he can't leave. That's not how the sides work at all, but the rationalization takes the edge off the fear that, if he stops looking, Deceit will be dead next time he looks. Deceit, for his part, pauses in his binge-drinking long enough to sneer and dismissively wave at his audience, splattering imaginary tequila on the carpet and couch. More spills as he attempts to get the bottle back to his mouth. It's half-empty, and every bit spilled is a bizarre blessing.

"Seriously - what is going on here?" He tries to be direct, but Deceit directs his gaze downward, refusing to meet Thomas' gaze. "I - I can't believe you don't have anything to say about this. You took us to a courtroom last time over it. Just - what are you doing?" He lowers his head to try to catch Deceit's gaze, but the side just looks away. He sighs, a bit frustrated but even that frustration is born out of an inability to resolve his confusion and worry.

"Patton? Any idea what's going on?" He asks out of the corner of his mouth.

"Nope." Patton is quiet in his reply.

"Keep an eye on him for a second?"

"Yeah."

He gets a glimpse of Patton as he turns around to confer with the others. Patton can't hide his shaking, no matter how hard he holds onto his arms. Maybe he shouldn't have asked Patton to keep watching - but, facing the others, no one's reacting well. Worst off is Virgil, who has fully retreated into his hoodie, murmuring words laced with tempest tongue. Thomas catches two that somehow make an already bad situation worse: "not again". Roman has no response - gesturing wildly to himself, then Virgil, then Deceit behind Thomas who Thomas is currently trying not to look at lest he trap himself again without a plan.

"He's drunk?" It's a dumb question, but Thomas' brain is still kind of stuck on that.

"It's something we can do - infrequently, as, like with you, it does impair our ability to function." Logan fidgets with his necktie.

"Can he actually die from this? Like, liver poisoning?" It's a horrible idea to contemplate, but he needs to know how severe the situation is. Roman winces but nods. Logan nods. Virgil inhales.

" **He'll reform. In his room. It - he's done it before.** " Virgil can't seem to calm down enough, but Thomas can decipher his words anyways. He wants to ask when. He wants to ask why. Some part of him he wishes he could attribute to Remus wants to know if that's his plan right now.

Patton whimpers, and Thomas whirls around. Deceit has dropped his bottle and is currently sideways on the couch. And, it seems, he has somehow conjured up another bottle. Nope. Thomas is not letting this continue.

"Put that down right now, Deceit!" Since he can't touch the side, this is the best he can do. Deceit hisses back, his grip on the new bottle visibly tightening even as it tips a little. Thomas refuses to let it shake him - frankly, it was more startling coming from Virgil than from someone whose face is half-snake. No, the bigger problem is that he seems uninterested in listening and physical intervention isn't possible. He runs through what little Deceit has said since his arrival and finds a solution. It's... not one he's fond of, as it doesn't actually solve the problem, just relocates it for now. But Virgil is freaking out, Roman is at a loss for words, Logan is struggling to think of some logical way to stop him, and Patton still shakes.

"Deceit - if you're not gonna listen, then go to your room, now!" He points in the general direction of the staircase, feeling more than ever like the parent of some wayward teenager. Except this teenager doesn't want to communicate at all, is drunk, and possibly is entertaining a suicide attempt. Wait, no, he shouldn't have done that. The fear and confusion meshes with the comparison and for a moment Deceit is just.... sad. An unwanted kid, bitter at the world and the people around him, possessing one skill that poses more harm than good.

Then he flips Thomas off as he sinks out without complaint, and, mercifully, it shatters the illusion.

Roman's already begun issuing apologies to everyone and Thomas feels his heart curling in on itself. He holds up a hand.

"It was my idea. I can't say anything except, I'm sorry." Except there's a lot he could say. Mostly _what the hell was that all about?_ Everyone's visibly stressed and upset, though, so he doesn't. He also scraps the plan to talk with Virgil alone right away. "Roman, I'm not forgetting this - we will figure out something. We just need to unwind a bit. I.... I'll check on Deceit later." As for Virgil, he'll just drop in later rather than subject him to worrying about a meeting in the near future. He doesn't know what else to do.

Departure is awkward, few words exchanged, and once the others are gone, Thomas goes to the couch and sits where Deceit was. He tries to wrap his head around his actions. Tries to imagine a possibility where Deceit was being malicious and messing with everyone by putting them in such a distressing situation. Tries to imagine a possibility where Deceit simply can't imagine being wanted and drinks to the point of unconsciousness to avoid another poor interaction. Tries to imagine a possibility where Deceit has just given up and drinks for its own sake and doesn't want to bother figuring out what everyone else will think of him for it.

The imaginary tequila bottle is still there. He can read the label: 46% ABV.

He lays down, staring at it, until he passes into sleep.


End file.
